ContactI respond to ALL mails that are not spam within a day or two, with a real answer, not a script even if it takes hours to answer them. IF you mailed me and got no response, it got intercepted.
Web resourcesI am going to post the most valuable web resources here. This is the best video sniping site, you don't have to buy the app, just use it and let it use Java.
Internet explorer hates this, but Google chrome works fine.
This is the best absolute stealth mode Linux out there, (Kills ubuntu dead) but you need an older PC for it (4 or more years)
When it downloads, double click it with a burnable CD in your drive, NOT a dvd, and it will take care of the rest. Re-boot via CD and enjoy. You don't have to install it, and it leaves your computer untouched.
Since Vialls work was so similar to mine, it will be archived here.
PRESCRIBED DELETION - the truth about antidepressants.This is a massive subject, and I am living a very difficult life at this time which is interfering with my writing. So, I have to rough this out. This report is based mainly upon information I gathered during a study of antidepressants I did in 2008/09. This was the study that netted the classified documents from GSK
This is the first section of this report.
I will do this report one section at a time, and the steps will be:
1. Testimonies of people destroyed by antidepressants
2. The chemistry of the various antidpressants, and which dangerous substances in everyday life they deliver directly to the brain - Yes, you heard that right, there are several that do nothing more than deliver modeling glue and other nasty aromatic hydrocarbons straight to your brain, and KEEP THEM THERE. Several would be replaced well by a gasoline inhaler attached to a backpack that you carry with you - (pill form is easier though) and others, like Prozac, are derived from fluoride. Antidepressants deliver a very stable but FILTHY high until you fry, and the hydrocarbon based ones cause exactly the same damage you get from working in a paint booth without a respirator. I HAVE PROOF.
3. The visible physical damage antidepressants cause and how and why it occurs, including osteo porosis, calcification of the brain, brain shrinkage, destruction of white matter, corkscrewed axons, liver and other organ damage, and some interesting ancedotes related to this;
4. The motivation for attempting to destroy the entire population of a nation with these substances, and an expose of the corruption in the FDA, the medical community, the Jewish connection, the banker/Rothchild/Rockefeller/facist connection, the future slave state, how the research SSRI's are based on was done in Russia and imported to America in the form of Prozac, and the proposed finalization of the destruction of Western civilization which "antidepressants" will play a central role in.
5. A detailed exposure of why antidepressants destroy bonding relationships, and make it impossible for anyone to fall permanently in love for REAL, with a little side attachment explaining the reasons for why specific brands destroy sex in different ways. - I actually have the line by line answers for EACH BRAND, and which part of the brain they ruin to often permanently destroy sex in different ways. Different brands destroy different pathways, but all are effective in wrecking sex.
6. How they get away with hurting so many people under the supposed cover of doing good, and the methods put in place to avoid being sued, imprisoned, and hung. What WE need to do to forever expose this scam, and make sure they are sued, imprisoned, and hung. I have the answer to EXACTLY how we can blow this open and hang them.
SO, due to the hacks and deletions I am constantly fighting, here is a rather rough start. It's obvious from all that has transpired that this is a stab at the root of the worst evil, this is going to piss them off more than anything.
Prescribed Deletion - testimonies of the destroyed.
These are the words of those who have been destroyed by antidepressants. If you are among them, STOP listening to your P-doc telling you it never happens; the reality is that they ALL know it happens and they are lying to you. View this chart, and READ THE RESULTS THAT FOLLOW.
These are testimonies of people destroyed by antidepressants.
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"Whoever said that they lost most their ability to love; MAN, that is the thing I miss the most. I was a very, very, very passionate person prior to celexa. I was passionate about everything, my marriage, my job, my country. I couldn't hear our national anthem without stopping and feeling the hairs on the back of my neck stand straight up. 14 years in the Army National guard, I was very into my career with them too. I was passionate about running, about my relationship with (and this will probably sound wierd) my dog. I miss all of these things. I hope they all come back to me. They were very much the bricks in the foundation of my life and I feel like they are gone. When I say I want the old me back, I mean the person who was passionate, the person who loved and was loved. The driven person who saw what he wanted and went out and got it. That was all taken from me with the introduction of Celexa in my life. I just want it back."
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"I've been in an extremely peculiar state for the past 8 months after stopping Wellbutrin/buproprion. I have literally lost everything inside of me and no longer have a sense of "inner being". My personality has been completely erased, along with the inner psyche I've spent a lifetime building. When I attempt to "look inside", it is impossible because there is literally nothing there. Everything that made up my specific sense of personal being is gone, including including my hopes, fears, dreams, goals, opinions, values, morals, likes/dislikes, and most strikingly, all emotions and feelings.
I have no feelings associated with past events, and no emotional connections with anything in the world. Specific emotions that defined my personal sense of being are no longer there. People, places, things and events that I thought were etched in my soul as having significance no longer mean a thing. Absolutely nothing, I can't stress this enough.
I am unable to look backward or forward, have no sense of past accomplishments and no desire for future ones. The strangest thing is, I cannot feel anything toward being in this state, as that part of me is gone too. It's like a recursive erasure of everything I ever was, am, and will be.
It doesn't feel like life is a conscious experience that I am having anymore, as there is no inner construct within me to absorb an experience on any level. I see, hear, touch, and smell, yet each of these is so devoid of emotional content that they don't coalesce into anything meaningful I can call a human consciousness. My sense of being has been replaced by a constant void of nothingness that is unchanging, 24/7, I feel nothing towards the nothingness. It is not like feeling empty inside, there is no inside to feel empty within.
Getting to this state was a long process that started with gradually losing my emotions. This started when I decided to withdraw from the antidepressant Wellbutrin/Bupropion which I'd been on a high dosage of for 5 years. Strangely, going back on it did not help, but made things worse. When I stopped and started the drug a second time, I experienced one tremendous day of improvement followed by a seizure while sleeping, and woke up in a confused state. After this I regressed and felt completely dead inside.
This waking up in a confused state happened 2 more times, once in May 2010 and once in September 2010. Both of these were preceded by sudden improvements. But upon waking I felt like I had lost a basic part of my self. Not just feelings, but the core of my being. What I felt to be the complete and final destruction of my inner being happened on September 7th, 2010, and there hasn't been a change since (it has now been 8 months).
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"I tell you, I never had a problem before celexa. I just want to be back to me. I want to no longer be the pitiful creature it made me. I want to be me. The old me. I want myself back. Life isn't worth living with this new person holding my thoughts and feelings hostage. I have been off Celexa since last year. I JUST WANT ME BACK."
"I have been on 0 mgs for almost a year, and my emotional state has yet to come back to normal. (normal me). I have been from Psyc doc to Psyc doc (never needed before celexa) to try to figure it out. They point the problem back to me. I found out by reading around the Internet, and buying the book "Prozac: Panacea or Pandora" by doctor Ann Blake Tracy, and I found out that several people, if not all people, who go off these drugs experience exactly what I have experienced. When Natalie wrote what she wrote, you can go back to some of my earlier posts and the withdrawal effects are written down almost verbatim. These are bad for our brains, they change our personalities. I want my life back, and don't want even my worst enemy to experience what I have been through. These people have no love for their fellow man. We need to, no matter how emotionally messed up we are, we need to band together and prevent them (a commercial for Cymbalta just came on the tv, made my blood boil) from prescribing them to ANYONE. Depression hurts said the commercial, I never knew depression till after celexa. I have been through hell, therefore hell exists."
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"What I don't understand is how a drug could completely erase me as a human being. What I'm experiencing is not depression, anhedonia, or flat affect, but a permanent change in my consciousness that literally destroyed my humanity. All the parts that made up my being are literally gone. I don't understand how this is even possible, or what (if anything) I can do to change it."
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"I'm 25 yrs old. I used to be a bodybuilder, avid fisherman, used to drag race, and enjoy the great outdoors. USED TO.
I was on effexor for about 3 yrs, 75mgs. I decided I wanted to stop taking it, I felt fine. Im 25 I said and I can deal with lifes problems.
I told my doc if I may discontinue the drug he said sure, if you want to. Doctor didn't even ask me if I wanted to wean off, I suggested him to give me the 35mgs, but he gave me only a weeks worth.
I have never in life felt so sick. I would not wish this on anyone, not even my enemy. The first 3 months were hell. dizziness, nausea, fatigue, bad memory, brain zaps, you name it I had it. I couldnt even walk sometimes.
I fought and fought and it is now 7 months that I am clean off this horrible so called drug.
To this day, 7 MONTHS later, I am left with weakness, bad memory, and horrible coordination.
I can no longer workout, all my muscles went down, I have no energy to do what I liked to do in my life. I cannot function or remember things at work. I am useless. If it wasn't my cousins place, I would have been fired along time ago.
I am not depressed, I don't have panic attacks.
In my opinion, Effexor has left me permanent damage. I have been through more tests than you can think of. blood tests upon blood tests for every disease known to man.
This drug has changed my life for the worse and everynight i cry, because I feel that this medicine has severly left me damaged. My doctor has no idea what to do."
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"I was prescribed Zoloft 25-50mgs 9 years ago while I was in college.
Before I begin with the nightmare, let me stress I WAS NOT SICK when I started this drug. I had anxiety (situational )and was a little tired. That is it. Other than these issues, I was as healthy as a horse, never been in the hospital, rarely if ever needed to go to the doctor. I was very active and on the go.
Well, Zoloft worked immediately, what can I say. I loved it. Loved it loved it loved it. I thought it was a gift from God, saved me and my college career. I wasn't as shy as I had been. I felt more social.
But then I found I could not get off without severe head pain and brain zaps. So, I stayed on it. Every few months I would think about going off again, but the symptoms I would get kept me on it, and very afraid to come off. So, I stayed on it for 8 long years. (I forgot to mention I gained 25 pounds within the first 3 months on it. That was another reason I wanted off).
After 8 years, I'd had enough. I felt like I no longer needed it, I had been long out of college and the original situations that gave me anxiety were long gone. So, at my doctors advice, I tapered over about 3-4 weeks.
Then my life was shattered. Completely shattered.
I was told the withdrawal would only last a week or two at most, so I rode it out. It never went away and only kept getting worse. So, I gave up and tried to go back on. I couldn't take the symptoms anymore. But my body was having none of that. Strangely, now when I took Zoloft, my body and brain reacted badly, as if it were rejecting it. I got a fever and felt like I was dying. I had no choice but to get off again. I was given other SSRI's, but none of them helped either, and all of them made me worse. I no longer tolerated meds like I did prior to Zoloft.
I kid you not, here I am 3 YEARS later and still very ill, and it all began when getting off Zoloft. Here is what I suffer 24/7.....
severe head pain and pressure
I wrote a letter to Pfizer, detailing my story and my symptoms. They blew me off and wanted a doctors opinion of what my illness is from. No doctor will admit to Zoloft being the cause of this illness, so Pfizer pretty much told me they take no responsibility. They ruined my life, and take no responsibility. They train their drug reps to educate doctors that these drugs are harmless. They know better, but rake in too much money to do anything about it.
They do not care how many lives they destroy, as long as they continue making their billions off innocent victims."
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"My withdrawal from Seroxat/Paxil (a few years ago, now). I became very aggressive on the stuff (many arrests and court appearances), and on some days I could pop valium like smarties without it making the slightest bit of difference. When I decided it would be a clever move to stop taking it and put up with a few days of flu-like symptoms, I found out what withdrawal was really like.
I slashed at my arms, I rolled around on the floor, screaming, because everything felt raw (my theory is that we 'normally' perceive the world through a comfortable haze of endorphins--which was stripped away) and when the police were called I freaked out completely and brandished a knife at them.
My husband referred to that state as being 'animalistic'.
Needless to say, I escaped jail by a hair's breadth. When I ended up in ER, following a dose of pepper spray in my face, I begged for Seroxat and the doc just laughed in my face and said they weren't running a pharmacy. They did not believe there was such a thing as SSRI/SNRI withdrawal syndrome. I think they still don't.
In the cell, waiting for the court appearance, I had the worst shakes and weird feelings (derealisation, having two heads, having my head swell to the size of a water melon). The junky I shared the cell with said: "Wow, what are you on?"
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I was put on zoloft, and when I stopped taking it I became disoriented didn't remember anything for 3 days. Lost my systems design engineering job I had for 7 years with 21 succesful projects. Lost my income, lost my mind, lost my home, cars, family heirlooms retirement, etc.etc. It all happened after taking ZOLOFT. I was finally diagnosed with a form of epilepsy and put on anti siezure meds..Lamictal. The Zoloft stuff took place In the 3rd world state of Louisiana..no recourse..Louisiana SUCKS. I now live in Florida, I'm 100% disabled and doing somewhat better thanks to my wife and my 2 wonderful kids that stood by me during those nightmarish days. By the way..the state of louisiana does not recognize the brain as an organ according to one ambulance chasing Lawyer. It only counts as an organ during a lawsuit right after an accident. If there are problems 10 years later...too bad it is no longer relevent.
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The first time I tried to get off cymbalta, I tapered over two months. Three weeks after the last dose, I was still extremely affected. I almost lost my job (doctor-level position), I almost quit my job.
I had about two months of hell trying to get off it.
So I'd be trying to pick up my clothes to get dressed in the morning and it was like zap zap zap grip wall zap pick up shirt zap zap nausea zap sit back down zap. Then I'd be talking to someone at work and i'd have the zaps and want to say 'oh just dont mind my nystagmus, nothing to worry about'
I don't feel that pissed off about it all right now, I just wonderhow long it will take before the brain zaps go away for good
I think I might donate some money to some organization this year that lobbies for more disclosure to patients about this shit because my dr who first prescribed it to me said 'Really? It causes vertigo in you? I am on it too and I get that too--I wonder what's up with that.'.
Followup: I'm up to about 6 months since I was taking Cymbalta every day and I still have weird effects like those described above. It has gotten to be kind of a joke now and mostly I just get the weird vertigo zaps. I wonder if it is 'permanent' a lot.
It is a very distinct 'zap' and it feels way more sketchy and scary than the depression that caused me to go looking for an antidepressant.
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"The worst kind of hell imaginable. I was off of this drug for 4 months without a hint of relief from the withdrawl symptoms. I was scared for my life and at the same time wanted to die..... Furthermore, every doctor I saw told me that Paxil isn't addictive. **FRUSTRATION** Hated it!"
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"Please consider this before commenting on antidepressants in a positive way.
About 10 years ago, the medical school at a major university began to notice a large number of cadavers coming in (for the medical students to work on) which had indented and calcified frontal lobes in their brains.
Puzzled by this, they went through the life history of each cadaver that had this anomaly, and discovered that in every case, the person had been on SSRI antidepressants.
The level of brain damage indicated that each of the cadavers had been lobotomized.
The people who drew the connection between the calcified and collapsed frontal lobes (the part of the brain which contains your soul) and antidepressants received offers of money to keep it secret, and when they chose to go public anyway, received anonymous death threats against their families and children if they ever went public.
I have seen many people get destroyed by antidepressants, all the while they said all was well. Invariably they go down the toilet as they eventually move toward complete and total emotional and personality flatline."
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"I decided I did not want to be ruled by this drug. Under the supervision of my doctor over a two month period, I weened myself from cymbalta forever. Each time I went down to a smaller dose I got sick. I had headaches, brain zaps, nausea, flu-like symptoms, I blacked out, my memory would get worse, until the culmination of taking no Cymbalta at all. Fortunately my mother is retired and was able to stay with me- I was withdrawaling like I assume people do on heavy street drugs! I would go to sleep hoping I would not wake up and be in pain throughout the day. My pain would get worse as the day progressed and by 4:00 I could barely stand the headaches, nausea, the ear ringing, and brain zaps. It has been a year since I have been off of Cymbalta and I continue to have horrible headaches that get worse as the day progresses; my ears ring, and my vision is screwed up. I see little lights at night time. My memory is not what it used to be and when I tell my doctors that I think I was permanatley poisoned by cymbalta they look at me like I am crazy (and isn't that the reason I went on the cymbalta in the first place?)"
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"I am on my 7th day of no Cymbalta after being on it for only 3 weeks. I went from 60mg to 30mg, no problem. Then 30mg to 15mg, by making my own pills from the 30mg. Brain Zaps started. Now since I am clean for 7 days the Brain Zaps are hell, I think I even blink when they hit me. Inside my head the Zaps sound like a chattering angry squirrel. The people that made this drug must have never tested it for withdrawals. I have terrible back pain, have trouble sleeping, and have even cried twice this week. I just took 50mg of benedryl and 1000mg of tylenol hoping I can sleep tonight. I also gained weight on the drug. Has anyone that dealt with the Brain Zaps stopped having them all together? They are so bad, I am afraid to drive, I now understand why some folks kill themselves coming off drugs like this one. If there is a happy ending, I would love to know about it. Almost forgot, Blood Pressure has gone thru the roof coming off this stuff."
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"I will name the countless symptoms and probably unreversable brain damage I am living with after Effexor. There are good days in wich some of the symptoms won't arise for exception of the pain. Those are the days I can be a mother and wife but still the shadow of the energetic person I was. Back in July all the symptoms hit me all at once. Blury vision, dizzy, letargic, high pitch ringing in my ears, exhaustion, pain all over my body, joints and muscles. Muscle twitching, slurred speech, urinary incontinence at times, hair lose in patches. It is impossible for me to normally work at any type of job now. I have states where I would forget what I am doing. I have times in wich I have a hard time controlling voluntary motor functions in my legs and arms (such as not being able to write, open a bottle or carry anything). Every now and then muscles will begin to twitch, then just stop, out of the blue. I became lethargic and have no energy to do anything. Not to mention times or days when I can not drive due to the chance that I would have an accident beacuse of the sudden blury vision or dizzines that make it dificult to see. Not to mention when I suddenly forget where I am going or doing."
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Since I started taking effexor, My memory is going out the window. I am having trouble remembering things from yesterday, granted I haven’t always been the best to remember things. I have noticed that I am forgetting tasks at work, this has never happened. I find myself using an entire pad of sticky notes, and forgetting to complete the notes written.
I’ve been taking Effexor since last November, and I’ve been having memory problems. Even yesterday I can barely remember. It’s so difficult. Usually, I had a good memory but now it has gone down hill.
I’ve been on it for about 9 months, and the SAME thing is happening to me. i forget things daily, lose things often, and my attention span is like a 3 year old boy. my doctor also told me theyre not connected, but i KNOW they are, which is the main reason i’m coming off the drug now. i wishi would have been informed of all this before i got hooked on the stinking drug.
I have been experiencing memory loss for awhie also. I started taking Effexor spring 2005. Before that I had been taking Zoloft, which was not working for my anxiety and depression. I notice about 3-6 months into taking Effexor that my short term memory was playing tricks on me and the more I think about it the more I realize this drug has something to do with that. What should we do now? Does anyone else think we should be contacting the company and find out the truth about this being a side effect???
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"I have been on Celexa for almost three years. the results: lost a job and a marriage due to being so non complacent but gained 20 lbs. I skipped a few doses several weeks ago and decided it was time to wean myself off. I tapered down very quickly and am now dealing with the following withdrawal symptoms:
The aggression is the scariest part but now that I know almost everyone experiences this I feel better. From reading most of the posts it doesn't seem to matter if you wean yourself or go cold turkey, the withdrawal symptoms appear the same."
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I believe SSRIs "cause" neurogenesis through the brains compensatory mechanisms. By inducing a massive chemical imbalance at the synaptic level, SSRIs force the brain to respond by shutting down these connections and creating new ones (which then get shut down, and the cycle continues). Unfortunately, these new connections (axons) often resemble the type of new axonal growth (swollen/corksrew appearance) seen after recovery from a neurotoxic MDMA regimen. (editor's note - MDMA is Ecstacy) These axons also often grow and/or project into areas where they did not before, and the significance of this is as of yet unknown.
7. The most troubling permanent lasting adverse neurological effects you may experience after prolonged SSRI usage (and consequent STOPPING) are :
a). Word finding troubles
8. After these brain damaging effects have sunken in, you may have great difficulty finding support anywhere. Talking to a p-doc may be an exercise in futility. They will want to protect their own interests and shield themselves from a possible lawsuit, hence you may be told continually to get back on meds/up your dosage. The more you protest, the less credibility you have, thus the more evidence in your p-doc's mind that you need to go back on SSRIs.
9. Once you realize the extent of the damage, and it sinks in beyond the denial you may initially face, it will be hard to explain to others exactly why you are not the same person you used to be. The damage is similar to a TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury) yet it might be better termed DBI (Diffuse Brain Injury).
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"Oh, how the withdrawal wrecked me. The only thing worse than taking Cymbalta was withdrawal from Cymbalta. Added to all the side effects I was already having, I very much wanted to cut myself, and got as far as sitting down with a blade, but instead I bit myself on the hand as hard as I could stand. I think I also punched myself in the thigh that same day, but it's all sort of hazy. The first day off Cymbalta, I hallucinated, felt like my arms were really far away from the rest of my body, dissociated for most of the day, and in general, thought I was going to have to call for an ambulance. A benzo would've really helped, but I didn't have a pdoc yet at the time; I had to wait three weeks and let me tell you, those were three of the most hellish weeks of my life, including feeling very much like I was having a mixed episode. Out of desperation, I took diphenhydramine because it helped the vertigo and the sleepy feeling sort of passed for "calmer." It took at least three weeks for the withdrawal symptoms to calm down to a dull roar. When I saw my new pdoc, I was still agitated."
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Your doctor is your worst enemy. Welbutrin is an SNRI. It blocks the metabolites in the liver that metablilze seretonin and noepinephrin. Switching to celexa, which is an SNRI is not going to help you. Doctors just have no clue as to what they are doing. You go to them with a problem, they consult ther PDR, and hand out some drugs that the pretty little pharma rep gave to them. They will give you something to destroy your brain, then give you a benzo like xanax, to combat anxiety. You cannot sleep, you are always on edge, you end up with some sort of psycological "disorder" (manufactured by the drug companies), and you are left a buned out shell of what you used to be. They tried to give my mother-in-law prozac because she was sad when her father was dying of cancer, and she was starting to go through menopause. I SCREAMED. This lady didn't need prozac, or any other mind altering drugs. She needed to reduce her stress.
I told her to take topical progesterone, and she turned around just fine.
Fact: Doctors don't know what ssri's do to the brain
Fact: There is no evidence of a lack of neuro transmitters.
Fact: There is no way of measuring the level of seretonin in the brain...
I pray for anyone in distress anywhere, and God bless and help those whose lives were destroyed by doctors who dished out meds that they know nothing about.
did anyone else get tapered off zoloft from a doctor but still having withdrawal?
this is how my doctor did it and I am still trying to understand why it was just down to 50mg and not less after a while: starting with my 100 mg
week 1- 50 mg every day
I took my last on sunday and it's now Wednesday. last night I could not sleep, I felt very cold and I was shivering and had interrupted sleep and then got too hot all over like I was burning. I've had the brain zaps all along on the days I didn't take it and some of the shivering and feeling a little dizzy too , very restless sleep on and off for these last few weeks. also some irritability, and very depressed and hopeless feelings and anger, some crying spells for no reason. I don't want to call the doctor because obviously they don't know what they are doing or I wouldn't have withdrawl symptoms at all.
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My daughter began having petit mal seizures. Coincidentally, she was just recently placed on zoloft. I am sure it was only a coincidence, right? What did zoloft do to you?
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YES, ZOLOFT IS EVIL. IT RUINED MY LIFE. IT MADE ME ACT TOTALLY OUT OF CHARACTER AND I MAIMED MYSELF IN AN INDESCRIBABLE WAY.
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Zoloft destroyed my life, and my Dr. and therapist stood by and watched it all happen right before their eyes, it was like I was a project for them. I am sorry to those I affected during that time, I regret it everyday.
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What it looks like when my site gets attacked |
ArchivesMy writing did not start with this site. I will fill in history over time by posting previous articles here
Prior to the Fukushima war disaster, this was a photography site.
These were old non-news articles, from the ancient days, originally used to drive traffic to the photos.